Sunday, June 28, 2009

who could've known you'd be so real .

Saturday, 27th June 2009.
One of the most emotional day, for me. :(
I barely sleep the night before. Confused. Devastated. Sheesh. My head went dizzy wizzy. I slept approximately 2 hours. That's 3 am to 5 am. I woke up, feeling gloomy. What in the world ... ? I woke up and realized there were some unread text messages. I replied to some. I received a phone call. I wished I never picked the damn phone up. That changed everything. :(

I could not sleep after that. So I waited impatiently, for the Sun to rise. A few hours later, I caught myself crying and sobbing while talking on the phone. Pathetic. Vulnerable. I hated myself. I wished I'd kill myself. But it was something I could not stand. Too hard. Everything is just messed up. I just wished I had not cried. It could have been easier, hearing "goodbye".

After that, I just sat and think. Maybe its best if I back off. For the sake of friendship. I believe friendships are sacred and with me in the way, their friendship might blow off. I'd blame myself if that happens. So I made up my mind. It hurted. It cut deep within. I cried more. :( I wished there was another way. I told Aza everything. She understands. *Sighs.

I thought about it, again and realized its hard to back off. Really. Either way, I'll get bruised. I know things will never be the same.

Mom took us out. Ok. Maybe this could cheer me up. I was wrong. She took us (the whole family) to Sunway. Instantly I thought of 9th January 2009. That was the day when I brought my ex-boyfriend to meet her. We sort of dated there, and spent almost the whole day, together. *Sighs. Another thing to gloom me up. Great.

Night came along. I said I was sorry, for everything.

And I am sorry. :(

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