Monday, November 9, 2009

i love you ♥

Three Months

I love you Syafique

Sunday, November 8, 2009



" Kalau Baby dengan Sayang , Sayang berdiri sebelah kaki pun kuat .
Just as long as you're with me . "


Saturday, November 7, 2009

as my heart attack , caught you in my vision , must admit i'm not afraid of us .

" Awak, saya minta maaf. Saya dah sakitkan hati awak. Selalu sangat. Mungkin saya bukan yang terbaik untuk awak. Mungkin awak takkan sakit hati macam ini kalau awak bukan dengan saya, kan? Saya tidak tahu di mana letaknya kekurangan saya sehingga awak diperlaku begini, oleh saya. Saya dah cuba yang terbaik. Saya cuba jaga hati awak. Saya tak sanggup lagi melihat awak sakit hati kerana saya. Saya risau. Mungkin sekarang, awak sanggup tahan. Nanti bagaimana? Sanggupkah awak tahan dengan perangai saya, yang seringkali menyakitkan hati awak? Saya takut satu hari nanti awak akan pergi jauh, meninggalkan saya, terkapai-kapai mencari jawapan. Saya minta maaf, tulus dari hati kecil saya."

update : seorang perempuan tersinggung kerana lelaki itu bicara sama perempuan itu, dan bukan dirinya.

ps : Fictional.
pps : Usage of language that lives among us Malaysians. Failed. =.='
ppps : Forgive her, will you? *Shrieks.


" You're way too good , to be my girlfriend , honey .

I'm happy with you .
I'm happy I have you . "


and my eyes hurt , hands shiver , so you listen when i say .

Hey boyfriend,
I miss hearing your so-called-annoying name calling that catches the gasps of my heart.
I miss when we use to hang on the phone, talking about nothing at all. Tehee.
I miss having jaw-cramps, after our late-night calls.
I miss stealing glances just so I could see you adorable face.
I miss being overly excited, just because you're nearby.
I miss all the excitements.
I miss gawking, gushing and gasping at the sight of youu.
I miss those.

Hey boyfriend,
I MISS YOU MORE! ;(

Will you have lunch with me on Monday? :D
(This is ITT darlingg. Make your offer. I'm waiting. *Winks.)

Friday, November 6, 2009



" Rama-rama tu tak lah secantik rupa dia .
Dan arnab betina tu tak lah seburuk rupa dia . "


elevators rush to the sea , rummaged through my coat for the key .

1. What brand of shirt are you wearing?
Voir.

2. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends list?
Syafique.

3 .How many people on your top friends do you know in real life?
All of them.

4. How many kids do you want to have?
Three or four. ;)

5. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
I prefer to keep it as a secret.

6.Do you wanna change your name?
I rather not.

7. What did you do for your last birthday?
"Late-night journey" to Johor with the lover.

8. What time did you wake up today?
4:34 am.

9. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Teaser.

10. Name something you CANNOT wait to do?
Sex. *ROTF. No. Marriage. ;P

11. Last time you saw your dad?
Two weeks back.

12. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?
My humanity.

13. Have you ever talked to Tom Myspace?
No.

14. last thing you ate?
Tempe.

15. What's your favorite month?
August.

16. Least favorite month?
June.

17. Are you in a relationship?
Yes indeed.

18. Who's your best friends?
Have to list them all? >.<

19. Most visited webpage?
Blogspot.

20. Last person to make you sad?
Syafique. ;(

21. Would you help your best friend?
With everything I have.

22. Coke or Pepsi?
Sprite. ;P

23. Have you been kissed by anyone in the last week?
Syafique kissed good luck. ;*

SECOND PART

1) Single, Taken, or Crushing?
Solemnly taken.

2) Are you happy with where you are?
Sure.

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
Super duper wooper fast!

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
Like plenty of times.

5) Do you believe that there are certain where cheating is ok?
Fuckk no.

6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
In Syafique's case, maybe. Depends. ;)

7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?
*Winks.

8) Do you want children?
Yeaaah.

9) How many?
Four.

10) Would you married at this young age?
Gaaah. No.

11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know?
Directly. ;)

12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
Sometimes.

13) Be honest, do you play the "game" when you are dating?
What "game"? ;P

14) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
Vaguely yes.

15) Are you romantic?
That's for you to judge.

16) Do you believe that you can change someone?
I'm hoping.

17) Are you virgin?
Of course.

18) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
Syafique.

19) Have you ever wished you could have had someone but you couldn't?
No. I've got the person I want.

20) Do you love somebody?
Yes. Somebody equals Syafique.

21) Would you ever fight with your best friend to get somebody?
That guy won't be worth it if I have to fight with my best friend.

22)What would you say about your last ex?
Lousy. They all are.

i was just so lost until your love found me .

I now confirm that today is the most fucked up day of my life.
OH, please. Do contribute your part in making the day fuck me more.
I beg you.

4.34 am.
Text Syafique. He called. We talked. Mamai-mamai jugak because still sleepy. After his credit finish, I went back to sleep.

6.00 am.
I woke up again. Picked outfit for the day. Satisfied. Skip-a-doodle-doo to the loo. Fuckk. Mother nature has come to worsen my day. "Roti kering" satuuuu.

7.00 am.
Still haven't leave home yet. So much for "Chacha you better wake up early tomorrow so we can leave early." Yeah right. "You're fat, fatty. Hideous face. Ugly." Morning "talk".

7.50 am.
Arrived at Titiwangsa. Texted Syafique. Needed him. Mother nature is killing me. But of course, the lover must be sound asleep. He slept quite late. Sleep tight loving sleepyhead. ;) So, cursing the tummy. Fuckk. AND I'm late. ;)

8.20 am.
Entered the hall. "Lain kali, pakai macam ni tak lepas, hari Jumaat lagi!" Fucck. Kuat lagi boleh tak? Why don't you just use the mic in front, you don't have to shout laaa. Made everyone stare at me. Sheeesh. Public figure lagi. I despise. I dress up nicely. Straight cut slack. Baju labuh tutup pinggul. Sweater zip-up penuh youuuu. Sanggul-ed my hair as well. Tummy kept screaming. OH fuck. Can't concentrate a bit. Yayy me ;)

10.00 am.
Left the hall. Mampus lah. Texted the lover some more. No response. Need him badly. ;( Called him. Banyak-banyak kali. When he finally answered, I wanna whisper "Sayang, please come here, I want you now. Cannot do this alone *sobs*" but he just woke up. I restrained myself from being too selfish than I already was. ;(

And the day turned into hell. He emo-ed himself. Kata ini kata itu. Saya touching lebih. Saya sakit perut. Saya sakit kepala. Saya sakit hati. Saya nak dia tapi dia marah-marah saya. Saya end up letak telefon sebab public dah tengok saya nangis macam siall. Ketuk nanti baru tau. Tak pernah nangis ke ha? Bodoh. Saya kesian kat diri sendiri. Boyfriend takda disisi di saat-saat getir.

And that's when the memoirs of Mr. Already Gone arises. I remembered when you used to comfort me when I fought with my then-boyfriend. I remembered how nice you were to me, how polite you talked to me, how much you respect me as a girl. I remembered that you too, apart from my Syafique, loved walking me to train. You were worried of my safety as well. *Sighs. I remembered. Heyy, are you still lingering around, watching over me? Be my angel? ;| 7 months dearest, since you left us all. We still miss you. Rest well buddy. Rest in peace.

And I STILL need you here Syafique. *Sobs.

ps : Little Jerry totally adds up to fugly annoy me today. Boo-hoo.

Love,
Heartbroken Ell.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

miss q-mar.

A Singapore Indian Transwoman performing a during a company's dinner event.







Wednesday, November 4, 2009

more than life itself.

You never said you were perfect,
but you always are to me.
Loving you was always worth it,
Cause you see so much in me.
And when I'm down, you're there to lift me.
You come around, when I need a friend.

And no one loved me like you do
Unconditional and true.
You're the shoulder that I've always known
And the hand that says I'm not alone
More than myself,
I love you more than life itself!

Did u know that I get lonely
at the thought of you not being here.
Can you see that you're the only,
one who never disappears?
And when I fear you are the comfort.
The one who steers me to the light.

And no one loves me like you do
Unconditional and true.
You're the shoulder that I've always known
And the hand that says I'm not alone.
More than myself,
I love you more than life itself.

I love you! I love you! I love you!
And I don't care if it sounds trite.
I'll say it over and over
It makes me feel alive
You give me all my fire
By watching what you live, by what you believe
So many things you taught me
And even when you caught me
I always knew that you
Could still see the best in me, the best in me

No one loved me like you do
Unconditional and true
You're the shoulder that I've always known
And the hand that says I'm not alone
More than life itself

I love you more than life itself
I love you more than life itself
I love you more than life itself
I love you more than life itself

More than you know
More than you know
I love you more than life itself!

Singer : Kelly Osbourne.
Title : More Than Life Itself.
Album : Changes.

you never said you were perfect, but you always were to me.

Let's be honest have you ever played someone?
No.

Are you a naturally happy person or is it forced?
Natural ingredient.

This time last year, were you single?
No. Heh. Impossible.

Describe the shirt you're wearing.
Barbie.

Have you ever received a hickey from the last person you kissed?
Not yet. ;P

Is there anyone who could make your day if they showed up to see you?
YES! Please do show up Sayang.

Do you open up to a lot of people?
I am kinda choosy.

Would you rather have long or short hair?
Long. ;)

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
Fucking duuh.

Do you love anyone?
I do love Syafique.

Are you happy with the way life is treating you right now?
Incredibly.

Are you regretting any thing?
No.

Who was the last missed call on your phone?
Momma.

When was the last time someone kissed you?
Yesterday. ;*

Who was it by?
Syafique. Good luck kiss. Heee.

Is anyone liking you right now?
Syafique sure do likes me.

Are you missing anyone?
Syafique. My babes.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Gawking.

You kissed someone today right?
No.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Yes.

Would you ever consider piercing your lip?
No.

Is there anything in your room that reminds you of the past memories?
Next!

Is there anything stressing you out?
Finals.

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?
Yes. ;)

Have you ever held hands with the same sex?
Of course.

What were you doing at eleven last night?
Sleeping.

Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
No.

Have you ever kissed the last person you text messaged?
Yes. ;)

What side of a heart do you draw first?
Left.

Can a relationship last without honesty?
Fuckk no.

Do you wish things were better?
Things can just get worse. Its on the line of perfection now. ;D

Do you find it hard to trust others?
Sometimes.

Do you laugh a lot?
Hysterically.

Do you want your tongue pierced?
No.

Who in your phone has a heart after their name?
Syafique.

Do you always answer your phone?
Yes.

muhammad norsyafiq ♥

Looking back through time, I am grateful you held my hand firmly. And this brought a huge lump in my throat. :')

Remember when we first text Sayang?
A secret identity.
Discrimination was the key.
Initial letter became the clue.
I was labeled a stranger.

Remember when you first call me Sayang?
I was asleep. I stared dumbly at the vibrating phone.
You called again. I am fugly excited. Darn.
You called and finished up your credit.
I slept with a smile grin.

Remember when we instant message together Sayang?
You made me turn on my webbie for you.
You didn't.
You called me while we were instant messaging.
We chatted through the phone with you watching me through my webbie.
It was 4 am.

Remember the morning I mourn you would leave me Sayang?
You were worried.
You called. I cried on the phone.
I didn't want you to leave. I didn't want you to back away from me.
I was in love. I was selfish.
It was the most emotional day for me.

Remember the moment we almost bumped into each other Sayang?
It was a close call.
REALLY close.

Remember our first secret meeting Sayang?
We sat away from preying eyes.
We walked together to class.

Remember our "late-night journey" to Johor Sayang?
4 hours.
I still can't believe we did that together.
It was the night of my birthday,
and you turned it to a special birthday.

Remember when you asked me about my feelings Sayang?
I was shy.
I confessed. You did too.
It was one of the best day night of my life.
That was our unofficial date ; 14th July.

Remember when you chased after me Sayang?
You told me you love me.
I was overwhelmed.
I was touched.

Remember when she wanted you back Sayang?
My heart broke.
You told me you love me.
You told me you're happy with me.

Remember when you "proposed" Sayang?
Lower ground floor.
One Utama.
1818 HOURS.
9th August '09.
We were both wearing white.
You called me beautiful. :')

Remember when we first held hands Sayang?
I held yours tightly.
I bet it was too tight.

Remember when you had to wait for me for 3 hours Sayang?
You were sick.
And yet you waited.
You sent me home too.
I have no idea how to thank your willingness to be there for me.

Remember Sayang?

I love you Sayang. Thanks for being there for me, always. I'm sorry because I always fail to follow your rules. Like you always said, I am a stubborn bitch. But you kept holding on. I may not be as gorgeous as others can be, but loving you has always been the easiest part. No energy is needed. It comes from the deepest of my heart. I love you.

Love,
YOUR Ell.
Syafique , i miss you badly. :(